


Aren't we just terrified

by Kotomori



Series: Of scarred angels and beautiful monsters [1]
Category: Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Alternate Ending, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blood, Demons, Developing Friendships, Developing Relationship, Eventual Fluff, Fix-It of Sorts, Foreshadowing, Gen, Guilt, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, Late Night Conversations, Light Angst, Memory Loss, Missing Scene, Nightmares, Panic Attacks, Pre-Slash, Rain, Sad, Yotsuba Arc
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-03
Updated: 2019-09-03
Packaged: 2020-10-06 00:23:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,587
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20497832
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kotomori/pseuds/Kotomori
Summary: Up with your turret,Aren't we just terrified.Shale, screen your worry,From what we won't ever find.-Bon Iver and St Vincent.One would think that killing thousands of people would be something worthy of remembering. One wouldn't normally expect that killer to be inside the body of a boy brought up to be the epitome of perfection itself.





	Aren't we just terrified

**Author's Note:**

> Hey there, welcome back :) So I told you that I had a planned series of death note fics and thought I would get the waters with this one. I love this masterpiece of an anime to pieces and I love the relationship between L and Light and i wanted to explore it, so i did some experimenting, as well as alooooot of editing and here is part one. Hope you like :)

_Ryuzaki, do you really think that I am capable of becoming a murderer? Kira? Do I look like that kind of person to you?_

_Yes you do. I've always thought so._

It had been hours since their second 'fight.' Since they had come up with a new plan to catch Kira. Though he hated that he was technically plotting against his own father, it would appear that Light didn't even have a choice on who's side he was on anymore. Though Ryuzaki's plan was brilliant like always, it also came with a great deal of risk. One mistake would be all it took for everything to fall apart. Light didn't even want to think about the possibility of someone dying. Whether that be Misa, Ryuzaki, or even himself.

L was walking into this with such confidence that it was almost like he was certain that nothing would go wrong. But he thought that L of all people would know better than to underestimate Kira. 

It was getting late now. The task force would have gone to their homes by now and his dad would be back home with his mother and Sayu. After Misa had finally let him leave, he had let Ryuzaki lead them back to their floor. His feet dragged across the hallways behind the detective as his words repeated over and over again in his head.

Ryuzaki really believed he was capable of being a murderer like Kira? 

Hearing someone as intelligent and brilliant as L accuse him of being a ruthless monster like Kira, it hurt more than Light thought it would. He really thought that they were past this by now with Kira obviously being someone from Yotsuba. But it would seem that as long as Kira was still out there, Ryuzaki would go to the ends of the Earth to prove Light was guilty. Had he even meant it when he called Light his first friend? Or did he just say that for the sake of keeping his suspect close by?

_What did I do, Ryuzaki? What makes you think I could do something so evil?_

The more Ryuzaki accused him of being Kira, the more Light began to second guess himself. He had found himself at some time in his life believing that some criminals deserved to die. But to actually take someone's life away? To claim they were doing it for justice? It was sickening. 

_No! There's no way! I can't think like this or I'll begin to believe it! I am not Kira!_

There was a tug on the chain linking their wrists bringing Light back to the present. It came to his attention that at some point in the time he zoned out, he had stopped walking and Ryuzaki was standing a few feet in front of him with the chain stretched as far as it would go. The detective was looking at him with a blank expression, though his brow was ever so slightly raised as if asking a silent question.

"Is everything okay, Light?" He asked causing Light to flinch.

_Yes you do, I've always thought so._

Avoiding eye contact with him, Light looked down at his feet and shrugged,  
"I'm fine. I guess I'm just a little tired." He walked the small distance between them so he caught up with Ryuzaki and hoped to avoid his stare as well as any more questions.

When the two walked into their shared room, the moonlight was spilling through the window and onto the carpet, illuminating the pattern of raindrops on the window as they hit the glass like falling bullets. 

Light kicked off his shoes, leaving them by the door and both Light and L stayed in complete silence as they moved towards the bedroom. Without saying a word, Ryuzaki unlocked the cuffs so that Light could change and didn't waste a moment before putting them back on once Light pulled his night shirt over his head. 

At the beginning, the whole being handcuffed together process had been rather stressful. They both knew they would be sharing a room and they started off with both of them having a single bed pushed close enough together that the cuffs wouldn't rub their wrists. However after several nights of falling down the gap between the beds, they made the unspoken decision to push the beds together completely.

It wasn't the worst thing in the world. Ryuzaki hardly ever slept so he didn't have to worry about tossing and turning or having someone hogging all the covers. The only problem was the glaring light of Ryuzaki's laptop screen staring at him all night. He supposed he shouldn't complain, after all he would rather be here than back in that cell.

Ryuzaki waited until Light climbed under the covers before perching on his own side of the bed and taking his laptop off the bedside table. Light's eyes blinked open again once the laptop turned on and would be until the sun came up.

He glanced at the laptop screen where L was opening up several case files, took a glance up to the detective himself. He couldn't help the bitterness that stirred deep inside him as he watched Ryuzaki concentrate on his work with holding his finger to his lip. They were one in the same. Both supremely intelligent and egotistical, with only eachother for a friend, if friendship is what they were really calling this. But Ryuzaki seemed so convinced that he was a murderer, could he really consider this man a friend? Light sighed before rolling over to face the window, far more content to watch the rain shower over the city.

"Light, are you alright? I can turn the other way if I'm bothering you?" 

Damn, he should've known he was still being watched. Light kept his face buried on his pillow with one eye to the window refusing to turn back to look at the forever staring eyes.

"No, don't worry about it." He said while biting back his frustration. The bed dipped slightly behind him and he didn't have to turn to know that Ryuzaki was hovering over him now.

"Are you sure? You seem upset." There was a trace of something in his voice that could've sounded like concern to anyone who wasn't Light. There was a brief crash of thunder far away and Light tried to focus more on the night storm than the strange man behind him.

Damn him! How did one simple question make him feel like crying? 

While thunder continued to rumble in the distance and rain continued to pelt the windows, the night sky spilling a blue aura over their bodies, Light tried to ignore the question. If he was quiet long enough then maybe Ryuzaki would take the hint and leave him alone. 

"Light?"

Apparently not.

Light tried to suppress a frustrated growl. This had to be the most infuriating person Light had ever met. The fact that he acted like he was concerned when really he was just testing him to see if he was a mass murderer, how could he even stand to be near him? If Light ever falsely accused someone of such monstrous crimes after pretending to get close and gain their trust, the reaction he would receive was something not even worth thinking about.

There was an ache in his chest, had it come so suddenly? Or had it been there the whole time? The more he thought about Ryuzaki's words, the more the ache intensified. 

_Do you really think I'm nothing more than a killer?_

Light hated that he was allowing this to affect him so much. Why should he care if L ever really considered him a friend? Light may be a popular kid, but he had never actually had a true friend once in his life. He supposed he shouldn't be surprised that all this detective wanted from him was his intelligence, as well as a confession to a crime he didn't commit, but the former of the two was all anyone really knew about him. He was smart. He knew that, anybody who had ever met him knew that. He never had anyone in his life who cared enough to ask about anything else. He was what people expected him to be, no more than that.

"Like I said, I'm just tired." He replied shortly and this time he appeared to have gotten through to L as he didn't speak again. With his back to the detective and the glaring light of the laptop screen, Light covered the sounds of tapping keys with the gentle sounds of the rain. It wasn't long before the calming weather lulled him into a peaceful sleep.

...............

_Where was he? Everything was grey and dull. It was like the entire world had been left to rot. There was no life to be seen anywhere, the plants were all dead and burned, the skies were a deep grey as if they were filled with smoke. Light didn't think it was possible to feel so miserable just by looking at a place. It was like the ground below was just radiating sadness and death. But somehow, he felt as if he had been here before._

_There was a thud behind him that caused the ground to shake slightly and Light stopped with a gasp as he saw the presence's large shadow grow bigger in front of him. The figure seemed to be trying to represent a person, but there were so many spikes and edges around its head and shoulders it looked like it could be made from broken glass. It was when the being started laughing that Light turned around jolting from the chill that the eerie chuckle sent up his spine._

_Red eyes._

_Glowing red eyes._

_A smile so wide it looked as if it had been carved into his face._

_The creature's laugh intensified, as did the glow in his eyes._

_"Say, Light, do you remember that gods of death...." he outstretched his skeletal hands towards Light. In one of them, there was a red apple. In the other was.....a book? He began tossing the apple up and catching it again in his palm._

_"....love apples?" The laughter grew louder to the point where Light felt his blood run cold. Gods of death? Was he referring to....a Shinigami?_

_Until suddenly...._

_The laughter stopped._

_The creature's eyes bore into Light like he was searching for something within his soul. His smile was wide, but his eyes were menacing._

_"You humans are so.....interesting."_

_And with that the creature threw his head back, hands over his chest with uproarious laughter. The apple and book slipped from his hands and landed with a smack into the puddle beneath him._

_The apple rolled away but that wasn't what had Light's attention. He turned all focus to the small black notebook. Taking his eyes from the Shinigami as he continued to roar with laughter, Light fell onto his knees, reaching for the notebook while leaning over the pool of water. He picked up the notebook and examined it on both sides. On the front cover, there were two words studded on silver._

_Death note._

_As he continued to look through the notebook, he was caught off guard as a slip of paper fell from between the pages and into the puddle below. Light scrambled to catch the paper before it was spoiled by the murky water. But every part of his body froze the moment he saw his reflection._

_His eyes were red. Like the creature currently laughing himself to death right in front of him._

_On the inside he felt like he was about to scream, but his reflection showed otherwise as his mouth twisted into the most disturbing smile he had ever seen._

_There was more laughter. Light's eyes wandered up to the Shinigami only to find he wasn't the source of the laughter. In fact, he wasn't laughing at all anymore._

_It was getting louder, a loud maniacal cackle that sounded like the stuff of nightmares._

_His heart stopped as he came to a sudden realisation._

_The one laughing was him._

_His face didn't feel like it was even moving, but his reflection revealed him with his head held high, his back arched, holding the death note up like a prized possession. Light reached forward and snatched the fallen slip of paper out of the water and saw there was nothing on one side. He flipped it over._

_Pain shot through his heart like someone had set it on fire. It became hard to breathe, the fire was consuming his heart, his lungs, his throat. He felt like he was dying as he desperately clutched at his heart._

_The paper had two words scribbled on it with the water causing the ink to bleed._

_Light Yagami._

_Voices began attacking his ears, like they were physically trying to embed themselves into his mind. Small whispers of what Light couldn't decide was awe or fear._

_They all whispered the same word to him over and over again, like chanting a curse._

_"Kira."_

Light awoke with a silent scream. No noise would leave his mouth as he felt like his lungs were being crushed. His eyes felt like they were bulging out of his head. One of his hands was twisted into the covers of the bed, while the other had found it's way around his throat with the nails digging into the skin. He felt the warm wetness of tears sliding down his face as he tried in vain to breathe in.

_Kira!_

_Kira!_

_Kira!!_

_Kira._

_Kira!!_

_Kira!_

The voices went on and on in his mind, not once letting up or repenting for even a second.

Was it Kira who was doing this to him? Was it Kira making him suffer before he died of a heart attack as if he were another petty criminal?

_I don't want to die._

_I don't want to die!_

It was only because of a sudden slight pressure on the back of his shoulder that Light became aware that he was shaking. He hadn't even been aware he was crying up until the sudden contact had startled him enough that he stopped.

"Breathe, Light. You're alright, it was just a bad dream," came a soft and soothing voice from behind that was close enough that he could feel their breath against his neck.

"Ryuzaki?" 

"Yes. You're in your room, Light, you're fine," L was crouched behind the teen in his usual manner while staring at him curiously and honestly a little concerned. From the way Light was shifting in his sleep it was blatantly obvious that he was experiencing a nightmare, though it was when he began crying even after waking that L was surprised. 

He had never seen Light allow himself to look so vulnerable.

L had reached out to Light placing the hand on his shoulder in the hopes that it would soothe him and bring him back down to Earth. While it certainly wasn't his own personal preference, he knew that the majority of people found comfort in physical contact. It made everything feel much more real when they knew they weren't alone.

Completely unsure of how to really do this, L began rubbing up and down Light's arm in a slow and comforting rhythm. By the time a minute passed, L's concern began to grow as it appeared Light wasn't calming down.

"Light, just try to breathe," 

Light began to vigorously shake his head and with his back turned to him, L could only imagine the expression on the shaking teen's face.

"I...I-I can't!" Light's breathing came out in harsh pants and L's eyes widened at the realisation that he was indeed having what looked like a panic attack. Quickly placing his laptop on the floor beside the bed, L climbed over the other side and kneeled in front of Light's face. Pale skin, the shaking, crying, difficulty breathing, this was definitely a panic attack. 

But L had no idea what to do.

There was a chance that if he tried to comfort Light that it would only scare him further. But he knew that the less logical option would be to just leave him like this. He wasn't sure what was going on in Light's mind right now or what exactly had frightened him so much to reduce him to such a state. While he may have no idea on how to completely handle the situation, and L hated it when he wasn't in control or was unable to figure something out, he would be lying if he said he wasn't in the slightest sense worried about Light.

His next action seemed to have made up his mind for him already as before he knew it, L was reaching his hand out weaving his fingers through the teen's hair, carding them all the way to the back of his head before repeating the motion over and over again. His other hand came to place over Light's fist that was twisting into the sheets with every ragged breath he took.

He remembered Watari doing this once or twice to him as a child. It was one of the only few times where physical contact was deemed pleasant by the detective. And it was certainly efficient in helping him calm down, whether he hadn't slept in days, or he was struggling to find a clue to a case.

The motions L was making with Light's hair seemed to have the desired effect as his breathing finally began to slow down and his fist began to relax it's tight grip on the sheets. But L didn't let go. And he wouldn't. Not until Light told him to anyways.

"R-Ryuzaki?" L actually startled at the sudden voice. Lights voice was raspy and heavy from the crying and anxiety. 

"Yes?" L asked and all Light did in response was take a deep breath, though his face was showing traces of what looked like...relief? Was Light really just confirming he was there?

"What happened?" He sounded scared.

"Well, it appears you had a bad dream and then suffered a severe panic attack because of it." 

Light's eyes closed with the most defeated expression that L had ever seen on the boy. If this was an act then it was impressive, maybe even more so than his deductive skills. 

".... Are you alright?" L eventually asked as minutes passed without either of them saying a word. Light's eyes flickered open and alarms quickly sounded in L's head when he saw more tears building up behind them.

"Ryuzaki?"

"What is it?" 

L leaned back and removed his hands when Light shifted giving indication that he wanted to sit up. Light sat with his back against the headboard bring his legs up to his chest and wrapping his arms around them and resting his cheek on his knees. His face turned contemplative and he didn't immediately respond. But L was happy to wait until Light was ready.

The detective startled once again when Light's eyes locked with his, gazing at him as intensely as he did before when they ended up fighting again.

"Do you think you'll ever be able to look at me and see me as anything but a murderer?"

If Light's question had any effect on the detective, he wouldn't allow himself to show it. There was a stunned silence passing between the two with the heavy rain being the only sounds around them. 

What was Light's aim here by asking him that question? He had already explained to Light that even if he and Misa Amane had no recollection of ever being Kira, they had been Kira at some point. There was no other way to explain it. However, the Light Yagami in front of him was different from the boy he had met at the university. Whereas before Light had remained calm and reserved around him, even after he was accused of being Kira, this Light was much more.... emotional. The complete opposite of Kira. This further proved that Light Yagami and Kira weren't one in the same after all, or maybe that was just wishful thinking.

If this was the real Light that he had been chained to for the last few months and he truly had no memory of ever being Kira or being controlled by Kira, then he supposed he shouldn't be so surprised that Light was easily angered by his constant accusations. L could only imagine how clueless and helpless he must've felt during his confinement. There was a sudden feeling of guilt stirring in his belly that L had never felt even during Light's, as well as Misa and the Chief's confinement. 

But why did Light care so much about what L thought or how he saw him? As much as he might have truly meant what he said, L hadn't really done anything to prove himself a friend of Light, given that the only reason he even went to meet him was because L suspected him. As well as the fifty day confinement, followed by 24/7 surveillance by keeping Light attached to him at all times. If anything, L would be surprised if Light had any care for his opinion at all. 

But this didn't look like an act. The question did seem earnest, even if L couldn't figure out as to why. L could only determine that Light had a dream about either him or Kira and something had happened involving one or both of them that scared Light enough to put him in such a state. It then occured to him that while he had been left to his train of thought, Light had been staring at him, waiting patiently this whole time for an answer.

His eyes briefly wandered up to Light before looking away again just as quickly. 

"I don't think you're a murderer, Light," he stated softly while looking down at the floor. He could just predict the look Light was giving him right now. Complete disbelief. Sneaking a glance at Light he found he was obviously correct.

"Well it didn't seem that way from where I was standing just a few hours ago. Before, there was no doubt in your mind that I could do such a thing. In fact you seemed pretty darn certain!" L sighed at Light's slowly raising voice. It wouldn't do either of them any good if Light got worked up again or they ended up fighting.

"I never said you were the current Kira. I said you were the kind of person who had the potential to become Kira. You are very intelligent, and like your father you have a strong sense of justice. Not to mention your deductive reasoning is really quite incredible." He chanced a look at Light's face which seemed to have settled into a deep confusion.

"Kira is a murderer. Light is not. However, I wouldn't be surprised if it turned out you actually were Kira." He could tell that Light was ready to protest so he continued before he could. 

"But it's like I said. I wouldn't be surprised, though I wouldn't be happy either. Worst case scenario is that this is all an act in which to gain my trust so I'll no longer suspect you and you have indeed planned all this out in a way that works in your favour. I would be rather sad if this was the case as it's not only predictable, but it would cost me my only friend." 

The genuine look of shock that flashed over Light's face made the guilt stir once again within L as well as a small feeling of hurt. So Light really had thought he made that up? 

"I don't want to be Kira."

L blinked at Light, did this mean he was questioning his own innocence now? Or did he see something in his dream that made him remember anything? 

"What do you mean, Light?" 

"I mean you're always accusing me of being Kira. And you told me that there is no doubt that Misa and I were both Kira before Yotsuba was involved. As much as you say it, I have no recollection of killing or wanting to kill anyone. I want Kira caught, just like you. But the more you say that I'm Kira, the more you make me believe that my mind isn't my own, like something at some point took over and made me do things I would never do. I don't feel safe inside my own body anymore. If you're so sure that I was Kira before, then how can I be certain he won't take over again? Kira is a murderer. A monster. Is that how you see me?"

As much as L wanted to immediately deny the question, he couldn't simply ignore the fact that this could be Kira who was talking right now and trying to get some form of reaction from him. 

"No." He eventually answered, finally looking back up and meeting his friend's eye again. "If we catch Kira and prove you are in fact innocent as well as Misa, then I will never be able to express how sorry I am for what I've put you through." 

The look in Light's eyes was the most tender look anyone had ever given him. This was no act. No one could lie well enough to show this much innocence and fear and confusion. There was so much vulnerability that L was struck with the compelling urge to hug him. Light was the suspect, so why did L feel so guilty?

Pushing away the urge, L tore his gaze away from Light and turned to sit on the edge of the bed with his back facing Light.

"I'm sorry." 

He heard a faint gasp from behind him. He ignored it and turned his attention to the beautiful scene outside. Rain was so peaceful. Storms made him feel alive. The city itself looked beautiful itself lit up from a distance. It was the only part of the outside world that L loved to watch.

_Up with your turret._

L felt the bed dip slightly as Light moved around behind him, maybe he wanted to watch too. 

_Aren't we just terrified?_

L hummed in confusion when he felt Lights hand land on his shoulder. It was only hours ago when Light last did this before turning him around in his chair and punching him in the face. Maybe Light would do it again. Maybe he deserved it.

_Shale, screen your worry,_

L's entire body tensed when he felt the hand on his shoulder slide down until it was resting on his chest. Before he could question what Light was doing, another arm snake around his waist and it took several moments of stunned silence, as well as Light's head resting against his back, before he realised that he was being embraced.

_From what you won't ever find._

There was heat radiating from Light's body as he hugged L from behind. It brought a feeling of comfort and peace to the detective in a way he had never felt before. Never once before in his life had someone held him like this. New experiences always took him a while to get used to, which is why his body had remained stiff and unmoving and wondering if Light would stop

He didn't.

"I'm sorry, too."

Well L certainly hadn't been expecting those words from the teen's mouth. He craned his neck to try and see Light's face though he couldn't from where he was resting it between his shoulder blades.

"Whatever for?" What did Light possibly have to apologise for? The feeling of dread crawled up the back of his throat at the sudden realisation dawned on him that this may be a confession.

"Well I'm pretty sure friends aren't supposed to punch eachother," 

There was a hint of laughter in Light's voice and in the short time before Light said those words while L had been fearing a confession, to hear something so absurd, there was no stopping the smile that blossomed on L's face. There was a feeling in his chest that made him feel like he was so light he could fly. Relief. L was relieved.

L couldn't help himself, he laughed. While he couldn't see Light's face, the arms around him squeezed a little bit tighter and L could tell that Light felt somewhat happier by his reaction. So this was what having a friend felt like.

_Don't let it fool you,_

They stayed like that for a while longer, during that time Light has shifted his head so his chin was resting on L's shoulder and they both watched the rain. It was when Light's embrace began to loosen and his head dipped further forward that L realised that his friend was probably exhausted. It would only be a few more hours before they would have to be back down in headquarters.

He took a slight risk when he turned his head so he could whisper in Light's ear,  
"We should probably get some rest." He felt Light shiver in response before slowly pulling back.

_Don't let it fool you, down._

"Yeah, we should."

L crawled back over to his side of the bed and leaned down to retrieve his laptop from where he'd left it on the floor and placed it in front of him as he resumed his usual crouching position. Though it wasn't long before he felt Light staring at him.

Choosing to avoid the stare, he opened up the case files once again and almost jumped when the lid of the laptop was suddenly shut down. He twisted to give Light a questioning look with the only light in the room now being from the moon through the open window.

"You said 'we' that includes you too."

"I am fine where I am." L assured him. Then he hummed in confusion when he felt a gentle grip on his wrist.

"Come on, L, I don't think we're in any danger by resting for a little while. Kira isn't going anywhere, you'll catch him, I know you will. Even if you aren't sleeping, then just lie back and for a while, just simply exist. Taking a moment to just simply be, it can do wonders for the mind."

That seemingly endless optimism would annoy him if it wasn't coming from Light. It's who he was.

"What happened to catching him together?" L asked with a teasing trace to his voice.

Light smiled at him, the grip on his wrist moved to his hand.

"I wouldn't miss it for the world."

Light lay down while giving L's hand a slight tug to get him to finally give in and lay down too. Though L's expression made hin close his eyes and turn his head slightly to try and hide the small smug smile that came from the fact he may have actually just stunned L speechless.

L wasn't sure what he was feeling. He wasn't used to this much physical contact from another person and it left him unsure of what to do. And that just made him frustrated. Light had shut his eyes so he couldn't tell what he was thinking, for that he was grateful. While they were both on genius level intelligence and somehow isolated from anybody else here, they were both only human and both relatively young, L wasn't sure he would be able to cope if the task force found out that the world's greatest detective had become so flustered from something as simple as holding someone's hand.

Though Light's eyes were filled with nothing but genuine affection and while L was new to being so close to someone to the point that they were literally tied together, he couldn't deny that Light's faith in him was somehow both motivating and moving.

Light Yagami was certainly unlike anyone he had ever met and he held L's attention more than anyone else had ever been able to. He found the chief's son intriguing, getting to know him was like trying to find a piece to the biggest puzzle in the world. He found himself wanting to get to know Light Yagami, not as Kira, but as the young man laying beside him with nothing but innocence gracing his perfect face.

Before he knew it, L sound himself laying down next to Light, he turned on his side and brought his knees up to his chest. While Light hadn't moved opened his eyes, L could only assume he was sleeping. Though after a moment, Light turned on his side as well so that they were facing eachother and pillowed his head on his arm while the other looked like it was reaching out to the detective landing centimetres away from him. Without even thinking about it, L copied the position with their arms crossing over eachother in the middle of the bed.

Simply by watching Light's sleeping face for a few moments, the lack of sleep was quickly catching up to L. While he would normally consider this a nuisance, this night he didn't particularly mind.

So Light didn't want to be Kira. That wasn't really news to L. But unlike before, what Light said was somehow believable to him. Or did he just want to believe it? 

_I don't want to be Kira._

_For both our sakes, Light, I really hope you're not._

**Author's Note:**

> It gets worse before it gets better. Also, the song lyrics that I scattered throughout the story as well as the title and summary come from the song m, Roslyn, by Bon iver and St Vincent. I highly recommend listening to it when it's raining. It's number one on my rainy day playlist. I just thought the song was so fitting for these two. Anyway, let me know what you think and if you liked it <3 Thanks so much for reading.


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